Gus the Cat: An Honest Accounting

Pro	Con
Gus is furry and soft to pet.	Gus leaves white patches of fur everywhere he sleeps, which is just about everywhere.  Most of my belongings are also furry and soft to pet, and some of them are not meant to be.
Gus likes crinkly things.  He carries them around in his mouth while meowing.  Often he brings me papers as a gift, especially before bed.	Crinkly things include tax bills, uncashed checks, and that scrap of envelope with the window measurements on it.  Gus’s filing system involves leaving things wherever they fall from his mouth, a practice that makes retrieval difficult.
Gus is always interested in my comings and goings.  It’s good to have a friend waiting for you at home.	Gus is not much of a conversationalist. He remains straightfaced throughout even the funniest anecdote, and is downright incapable of a pep talk.
Gus lacks expensive hobbies and habits that would put a strain on the family budget.	Gus does not contribute materially to the financial well being of the household.  He mostly just lies there.
Gus is a reliable user of an uncovered litter box.	I bought one of those fancy boxes with a cover and swing door, but Gus refused to use it.  Instead he shat on the floor until I removed the lid.
When feeling petulant about his litter box or sick to his stomach, Gus has the good grace to make a mess in the basement.	Gus is a messy eater, even when eating dry food.
Gus sits outside with me when I’m having a smoke or taking in some rays, even if he was mid-nap when I headed out there.	He eats ants.  Strangely, he does so even though he doesn’t seem to enjoy them.
He has learned that “in” means it’s time to go back inside.	Gus is not consistent in obeying the command “in” when unaccompanied by a soft kick in the fanny.
Gus is a handsome devil, and he coordinates with the décor.	He has gigantic ears that I fear use up most of the space his brain might otherwise occupy.    Also, I’m thinking about bringing blue into my bedroom, and I don’t think Gus will take the dye particularly well.
Gus sleeps at the end of the bed, even though I kick him regularly during the night.	He settles right down after chewing on my feet for a bit.
Gus sometimes chases raindrops down the window.  This is an unmitigated positive.
Gus often sits on his own tail, then tries to chase it between his legs.  This is truly fun to watch.	His tail has a weird kink at the end of it.
Gus buries crinkly things under the seat cushion of the armchair and digs them up as if he’s a dog.	Gus also uses the chair as a scratching post, despite the No Scratch spray I put on it daily and the purpose-bought scratching post standing right next to it.
Gus is not afraid of strangers, and will visit with them if they sit down and don’t chase him.	He gets to know people by chewing playfully on their feet.
Gus likes to be scritched behind the ears.	Sometimes he likes it so much he accidentally chews on you.
Gus is an above-average napper.  When it’s bright outside, he sleeps with his paws over his eyes, which is extra adorable.	He snores.
He is a first-rate player – and not just with crinkly things.  Also, Gus is environmentally minded and will recycle toys from the trash.	I have lost 3 balls (one rubber, 2 ping pong) since moving here less than 2 months ago.  I haven’t the slightest idea where they get trapped.  Also, some trash is best left in the trash can.
Gus is generally a clean sort of fellow.	He is simply not down with having his claws trimmed.
When scared, Gus will sometimes pose quietly in a corner, as if he might be a decorative object.  There he waits patiently for the current horror to abate.	Gus is afraid of so MANY things he gives life to the concept of scaredy cat.  An abridged list: -- the vacuum -- his shadow -- other cats -- my shadow -- sudden movements -- the entire world beyond the back fence