I don’t usually go home this early, and the trains are packed full to bursting. The kind of full that means you’re all up in the grille of your New York neighbor – the kind where you’ve already tucked some guy’s shoulder under your armpit in an effort to find something to hang on to.
Here they come – not one but two women who believe they’re exactly what is needed at door 2 of this subway car. And yet there’s no way in. There’s not enough room to push past. There are already people needing to hug their briefcases close as the doors shut. The next train has arrived across the platform. Do they shove off for an empty car, our intrepid pair? No. Instead, without any discussion, they simultaneously turn around to face the platform and try to push their way into the car butt-first. Why? Why, Lord, why?!
They do not succeed. Butt pushing is not the kind of thing New Yorkers succumb to.
If you're bored during your subway ride there's poetry to read, or bunion removal to contemplate. But for a real rival to people-watching, you need the MTA itself -- hands down the best producer of transit signage in the land. To wit,
here’s a tiny placard informing riders that assaulting an MTA employee can result in seven years in prison. Emphasis on the (big, red) seven. But why? How does this prison term compare with the penalty for assaulting a run-of-the-mill straphanger? Or a member of the above-ground NYPD rather than the Transit Police? Is there a lower number of years served that would cause assaults on subway personnel to skyrocket? (See, for four years I woulda kicked yer ass, but SEVEN?? That’s just crazy talk.) Exactly how offensive are the folks at the MTA, if the rest of us need to be reminded regularly not to beat them? I have a lot of questions, and precious few answers.
As if to clarify, the conductor of the 1 train tries to shut the doors at 59th street while there are folks still getting off the train, much to the dismay of those hoping to board. (Those considering retribution are visibly deterred by the 7 year sentence.) As we push on toward 66th street, he makes this announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, USE your HEADS! Don't stick your arms, legs, bags or what have you in between the subway doors when they are closing."
Perhaps this is where the butt-pushers went wrong -- they should have used their heads.
3 comments:
Thanks for the 'heads' up! :P May come in handy next month, when we visit :)
D.x
Based on everything you've just written, I have to assume the DC "metro" is a much more civilized train system than the NY Subway. While people routinely stop the doors from closing, I have yet to see anyone shove themselves into an overly-full car, butt first.
I think, due to the urban locale, New Yorkers have few opportunities to go cow-tipping and, instead, get their buzz on and break out the whupp-ass on the subway professionals.
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